Keeping this going has been a large strain on me these past few weeks, and with the most important exams of my life getting closer I really could do without that. Plus, lately I think blogging and such is getting me too wrapped up in being a paedophile, to the extent that I’m starting to feel negative about it for the first time ever. This has gone from being a fun activity to something I get stressed thinking about, which is really not what I want.

This may or may not be permanent. I might come back and blog again after a good long break. My activism on the issues that matter to me isn’t going to end, I’m just putting that area of my life on hold to focus on other things.

My E-mail address is still active, and I’ll be checking it from time to time, so feel free to send me a message if you ever want to talk. I want to thank everyone who’s suppoered me through this little venture. It’s greatly appreciated, guys. Thanks ^^

(….. say, does “aloha” actually mean goodbye? Or is it hello? I can never remember ^^)

So, see you all later!

*waves*

A very well-designed and subtly disturbing website against child pornography, I’m happy to see that they’ve already well exceeded their goal of lighting 1 million virtual candles by December 31st. I’m going to put this one in the child welfare link section until that time, and I encourage everyone to lend their support.

I’ve been floating around the idea of a “paedophiles against child pornography” thing for awhile (I’ve seen it suggested a few times over the years in forums), just a simple image people could put in a signature or on their blog. Maybe this Summer I’ll put together a small site the images could link to. Anyone interested?

That summary pretty much illustrates the point of this blog post, but I’m still going to rant on about it some more.

For me, telling someone was always inevitable. I don’t know why, but it felt like something I had to do. I know there are some of you who are intending to carry your secret to the grave, but that was never an option for me.

My experience with coming out to my brother was over-whelmingly positive. I’ve read accounts from people who’ve told all of their close friends and relatives, and this seems to be the norm. I’ve said this numerous times before and I’ll say it again, it’s easy for someone to hate an invisible spectre that they read about on the news. It’s far more difficult to hate a real person, especially one they’ve known for years.

My advice to anyone looking to come out: pick the right time and the right method. Don’t do it during a time that’s stressful for you or the person you’re telling. If you can’t articulate what you want to say properly, mail a letter or leave a note. If even that’s too hard, you could try dropping some subtle hints and leave it to them to figure it out. Unless you’re a master of deception and put yourself through adult relationships just to avoid drawing attention (I wouldn’t recommend it) then people are going to realise there’s something unusual about you anyway.

But enough about how to come out. Why should you do it? Here’s why:

We’re now at the stage that homosexuals were at decades ago. They’ve made progress. We haven’t. Why is that? You might be tempted to say that society will accept them more. That’s probably true. But I think the main reason is that they dared to come out and be open.

The fact is, we can’t get acceptance from behind a mask. If people don’t know we exist, if they only ever see us in the evening news abusing children, can you blame them for being biased?

Like I said, would society be so quick to hate if people realised that their friend was a paedophile? Their neighbour? Their children? If they saw one of us walking around and realised that we’re just normal people, the same as anyone else, would things be different?

Before my life is over I want to see things change. I want to know that a scared, lonely teenager who’s just started to realise his attraction can go online or pick up the phone and get real support. I want to see paedophile Pride events, organizations fighting for our acceptance acting openly and honestly, fellow paedophiles with bumber stickers who aren’t scared of getting their car windows smashed. I want to know that if our rights are ever threatened, a community of us, and more importantly, our non-paedophile allies, will not let it happen.

But no, apprently many of us would rather sit in a forum and share images of girls in swim-suits.

Well, if you feel like me, take the first step: tell someone. Aim to live openly. If you want change, don’t wait for someone else to bring it about. Do it yourself.

A few years can make all the difference, but nothing will happen if we don’t start it.

——————————-

If anyone is thinking of comng out for the first time or even if you’ve already done it, I recommend you look through GLBT articles on the subject. Much of what’s in there can be applied to our situation.

This article contains many links at the bottom: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coming_out

And all I can say is, it couldn’t have gone better. Turns out he’s know for years, and he’s completey okay with it.

I believe I’m required by tradition to say something about this being another step on “the journey” or something to that effect. If every step is this easy, the rest should be plain sailing.

I’m going to write a major post on coming out soon (because now I can justifiably nag you all about not doing it) but let me just finish up for now by saying that this is one of the best things I’ve ever done. I feel more confident and sure of myself than I have in months, maybe even years.

(Note: for the duaration of this post, the “childlove” movement will refer to the movement to abolish the Age of Consent laws. It should also be noted that this is an opinion piece, not an essay or other researched study. It is based on my own personal, subjective experiences and should not be used in a debate or as proof of anything, in any way.)

1. Bullying

When I first began posting at glgarden I had built up a list of commonly-debated issues I disagreed with. It was largely this desire for debate that made me stop lurking. I’ll admit here that I was probably quite annoying- as the people at AZ can attest to, I can be relentless in expressing my views and arguing with people. However, I was surprised at the reaction I got.

If I can recall correctly, my first post was in a thread listing organizations that promoted Age of Consent laws as the “enemy”. I replied, rather mildly, that I agreed with the age of consent and thought it was a good thing that it was being promoted, especially in third world countries. I was immediately criticised, with one poster questioning why I was in a girl-lover’s forum. Further posts on subjects such as the wide-spread hatred and villification of therapists and other mental health professionals that existed there at the time (it seems to have gone now) got me accusations of trolling and speculation that I was actually a police officer.

I hasten to add here that this negativity was stemming from a few individuals, and that I also recieved much support and warm welcome. However, a young paedophile in a more fragile mental state might have been turned away from the forums by that experience.

2. Extremism

I realise that “extremism” has become a bit of a buzz word used to decribe Muslim terrorists or terrorist supporters. I’m talking here about extremist opinions, not violent acts or support of violence. And like the Islamic extremists, extremism on paedophile boards is in the minority. “Radicalism” would probably be a better term for it.

So what is extremism/ radicalism as it relates to paedophillia? There are a range of different opinions and views, from hatred or mis-trust of parents to a desire to radically alter society, for example by removing the traditional parent-and-child family unit (it should be noted that the majority of the small number of people with “anti-family” sentiments don’t actually want to act on it, they simply hold a dislike of the traditional family as an opinion, and also that having this opinion doesn’t automatically mean that they are also aggressive or hateful towards parents or families), that the reason for widespread hatred and digust directed at paedophiles is because society (and sometimes parents) know that they are “opressing” children by not allowing them to have sex and don’t want us to spread “the truth” and “free” children (again, this is not a widely held belief).
Most non-paedophiles would probably count the childlove movement as radical or extremist. This movement is the only “radical” opinion within the community that I know of which is organized to a degree and has wide-spread support. The rest are individuals or very small groups with no organization.

There can be a lot of anger and hatred mixed up in all this, with calls to force our opinions onto people, to make them accept us and so on. Not only is this plain wrong, it will only make society hate us more .

I would also apply the label of radicalism/ extremism to unrealistic plans or goals, such as the extablishing of a mico-nation. I think that the largest danger of radicalism is that it is often very ludicrous, or in some cases consists of complete fantasy. The “cult” like aspect of child sexuality (which will be discussed later) often means that radical plans or ideas revolve entirely around a sexual “revolution” and nothing else. What effects any of these plans would have on other aspects of society and even on our own community are usually not addressed by the people making them. The result of all of this is people living with their heads in the clouds and putting effort into unrealistic or ludicrous ventures when it coul be spent on something more productive. Obviously people are entitled to their opinion (I’m sure there are some who will disagree with me vehemently on the points raised here) but I believe that radical opinions or views are going to have a detrimental effect on us as a community.

Again, and I can’t stress this enough, none of this extremism/radicalism except maybe the childlove movement has a large base of support or any type of organization.

3. Misinformation

If you go into the paedophile community you will find “proof” to back up claims that:

• Most of the population are paedosexual
• It has been proven that consentual sex doesn’t harm children
• Parents account for most child abuse
• The majority of child pornography is produced willingly with the consent of the children involved

I’m not going to go into how realistic any of these are, as others (AZ among them) have already done so.

The actual evidence behind these claims is often mis-interpreted, mis-understood, spun (whether consciously or unconsciously) a certain way to fit with people’s beliefs or simply believed despite the evidence being proved faulty. What then happens is that others, often newbies, encounter this misinformation and believe it, then begin to spread it themselves.

I’ve seen it implied or stated several times by antis that there’s some kind of deliberate conspiracy to trick people into believing these claims, often as a component of the idea that the chillove movement knows that sex with children is harmful and is contunuing to aim for it anyway (for the record, I think much of the movement is sincere) . There are probably some people who realise that their proof is faulty and continue to use it anyway, but for the most I think they genuinally believe what they’re saying.

There’s a strong “herd instinct” at work here. I’ve seen popular individuals put forth an idea, totally unsubstantiated by evidence or often even logic, and have other posters agree with them simply because the idea sounds good. Sometimes the creator of the idea was only msuing and didn’t even intend for anyone to take it seriously. This often leads to what antis sometimes call “paedophile scripts” or catch phrases that are repeated often in debates, although some of these arguments are repeated because they’re true and are unfairly dismissed by antis. Using the “you all say that” card gives antis a way to dismiss an opinion or argument without having to find a way to disprove it (although I suppose this is still better than declaring that they’re automatically right because “they’re normal”).

4. The “cult” of child sexuality

This is personally the most maddening negative aspect of the forums for me, although I’ve been guilty of it myself at times.

When writing about children and child sexuality in general there’s somtimes an almost “spiritual” aspect to it. Children of whatever gender the forum is based around are almost worshipped. You see this often in signatures and signature images, which extremely florid writing and pictures. This is a personal annoyance of mine and not something inherently negative, but it goes further.

The “cult” aspect of things ties into forms of radicalism to create an almost fanatical devotion to child sexuality in some people (again, a minority). This creates self-righteousness and can lead to the belief that paedophiles are “special” or even superior, that we have some kind of natural affinity towards children, that we’re the only group on Earth who “really understand” children, that children have an affinity for us and can somehow “sense” that a person is a paedophile, that we inheriantly understand children better than their parents or other adult peers (and once again, these are all held to be true by small number of people).

Some of this is loosely based on fact. I treat children as equals far more than most other adults I know, and I think this is due to my paedophillia. This trend is quite common in us, and is probably what leads to the belief that we have a natural affinity with children or understand them better than anyone else. Our outward appearence and behaviour probably reflects this, and it’s natural that a child, especially a young child, will seem to have an affinity for someone who looks friendly towards them (I don’t think I need to point out the darker side of this that’s used by child molestors).

I know that when I’m interacting with children I feel happiness and often a light or “warm” feeling that has nothing to do with sexual arousal (for the record, no, we don’t become aroused by every child we see any more than adults immediatley feel arousal for anyone of the opposite sex). I also know that this has more to do with endorphines and every-day emotions than with some kind of spirituality.

In any case, the “cult” isn’t negative on it’s own, but it can enhance some other negative trends like unrealistic beliefs and misinformation.

5. Child Pornography

This is the only area where I’m not going to use my frequent “it’s a minority” refrain because I suspect that most of us look at child pornography (I do not believe that cp users are automatically bad people, by the way- using such images for self-gratification doesn’t mean that the user agrees with or supports what they see, and the possability that the user accidentally became addicted must be taken into account).

I once said that I was having difficulty resisting child pornography (I hasten to add here that these were “professional” websites depicting mild nudity that I was having trouble resisting, the sort of thing that may not even be illegal depending on where you live. After being exposed to real child porn when a troll posted it on a message board, I wouldn’t go near the stuff with a 200-foot barge pole). Anyway, I recieved one suggestion to just look at it if I wanted to, because I probably wouldn’t get caught. That surprised me a bit (and in case you’re wondering, the desire to look at nudity evaporated about five seconds after making the post).

All paedophile forums have strict anti-child pornography policies, and these are enforced very effectively. This is obviously mainly for legal reasons, but you also find many forum members who will go out of their way to discourage people from looking at it.

But most forums have sections where legal photos are posted and shared. One concern I have is that “sexy” photos are (within limits, obviously) very popular. I personally have never found any of these appealing, but others do. I don’t know whether this can lead a person to child pornography, but I think the possability is there. Many people collect alarming amounts of legal photos (I don’t) and some exhibit behaviour that looks almost addictive. Could this lead to an addiction to child pornography?

I’ve been looking at legal photographs for a long time and it hasn’t happened to me, bar the incident detailed above, but this is probably because I have a strong aversion to the idea of “hard” child pornography. Even child modelling sites make me unfomfortable due to the risk that children are being coerced by parents or photographers agains their will, and the fact that they’re being used in a sexual way without their knowledge. I know many others don’t share this aversion, or their need for some kind of release overpowers it.

Over all, I would say tht the image board portion of forums is a mixed bag. For some it’s harmless, for others it has the potential to be dangerous, I believe.

After reading all that you may be tempted to believe that I have some kind of rampant dislike for the forums, but this isn’t the case, although I know I came across as very vehement in earlier posts. Credit must be given to the good things they do- for example glgarden’s lifeline forum, aimed at preventing suicide, needs no explanation. And for every unrealistic, hateful or deluded person there are many others who are the exact opposite. They are dedicated, kind, helpful and down to earth. If it wasn’t for the furoms many of us (often teenagers at the time) would not have realised thet we aren’t alone and that we aren’t freaks who are destined to ruin our lives or someone else’s. And I want to point out here that not all members of the childlove movement are deluded or bullies. There are plenty of great people involved with it.

The forums could be our greatest asset, but there needs to be some change. I’m not for a moment suggesting that certain movement or opinions should be banned, but I would encourage anyone reading this to try and use them in a more constructive manner, to ask yourself, if you are interested in furthering a goal of yours as I am: “Is this goal realistic? Can I help to achieve it? Is it a good thing to try and achieve? What am I doing now to achieve this and are my methods right?”

So, happy posting. I’ve vented my grievances now, and I look forard to seeing how out online presence develops over the next few years.

Amnesty International

Needs no introduction. The world is lucky to have groups like this. I intend getting involved with them in some capacity when I’m in college.

Minority Rights Group International

An organization I wasn’t aware existed until today. They act mostly in the interests of ethnic and racial minorities, not paedophiles or other minority sexualities, but of course that doesn’t make their work any less valuable. Maye one day we’ll need to appeal to such an organization for repesentation or help.

Genocide Watch

I wasn’t going to include this for reasons I’ll talk about below, but frankly, the site scared me. There are situations going on right now which could turn into full-scale genocides that I had no idea of. In 5 years time will we be shaking our heads and wondering why the recent events in Darfur turned into another massacre? Would we actually notice if they did?

Right, there’s something want to post from the genocidewatch.org site, called the eight stages of a genocide. I would like to make it absolutely clear before I do this that I am not in any way suggesting that something like this is going to happen to us. I know you get people shouting “pedocide” and going on about extermination, but these are the words of a small body of extremsists that do not represent public sentiment in any country that I’m aware of. So this isn’t a warning or anything, please do not think that I’m trying to incite paranoia or fear. We do not live in a society where genocide is likely to take place.

This is from the 3rd stage of genocide, “Dehumanization”:

DEHUMANIZATION: One group denies the humanity of the other group. Members of it are equated with animals, vermin, insects or diseases. (my emphasis)

Have we seen this recently? Yes. I don’t think I need to point to the frequent comments on AZ’s website and elsewhere.

At this stage, hate propaganda in print and on hate radios is used to vilify the victim group

Now, I want to say something about AZ here. I think they have good intentions, and they do good work. Really. They do care about children, they’re trying to protect them. But there’s no denying that a lot of what goes on there is basically hate speech.

What point am I trying to make? Hatred leads to dark places. I’m not saying genocide or anything like it, but hatred against us exists. I have criticised those who exaggerate it’s seriousness, but we need to remember that it’s out there, and we need to do all we can to combat it (there’ll be a post on that some time this week).

1. Stop with the pink

Why does nearly every paedophile site need to be pastel hued and feature about a thousand images of children on every page? I really don’t know what the deal is with this. I would much prefer a site design that doesn’t scream “immature sex addict”. How about you confine the pictures to the image thread that most forums have anyway and lose the bright colours?

2. Do not run a marathon before you can crawl

Please, put the plans to have the AOC laws revoked on hold. I don’t agree with them anyway, I know many people do. You’re entitled to your opinion. But seriously, it’s not going to have any chance at all of ever working if we aren’t accepted as ordinary human beings. In fact, every attempt to legalize sex with children makes that event a little less likely. Of course, we’re never going to get acceptance if you keep telling parents that you have a right to have sex with their kids, and hiding that agenda until after we’re accepted raises all kinds of ethical questions. I’m not going to go into whether sex with kids is right or wrong here, because you already know what I think, but any movement in that direction is just going to make people hate us more than they already do.

3. Stop with the acronyms

So, I was talking to this other GL and he introduced me to his LGF online, she’s 14yo. I was thinking she could be a LEO and told the guy to be careful. He says his AOA isn’t really in that category anyway, but she’s near the AOC so they could have a relationship soon.

The above is an example of what you might be hit with upon entering one of our forums for the first time. None of that actually happened, but I want to make a point: you don’t need an acronym for everything. It’s annoying. Stop it.

4. If you don’t want to be treated like a pervert, stop acting like a pervert

The following is not okay: stealing a girl’s underwear from her room, ogling a child, hugging a child because it turns you on, becoming a child’s friend just so you can drool over them. The list probably goes on. It’s selfish and it’s not right, stop doing it. Treat children witht the respect and dignity they deserve, and don’t use them for your own gratification. And for God’s sake, find some way to keep your libido under control.

5. Get your head out of the clouds

Parents don’t dislike you because they don’t want their children to be sexually free, they dislike you because they think you’ll abuse their children. You are not going to be able to buy an island and set up a micro-nation. Paedophiles do abuse children. 90% of the population aren’t secretly paedophiles.

6. Acting like an idiot isn’t going to get us anywhere

Please, please stop debating against bigots by acting like total morons. Learn to type properly and stop with the Nazi metaphors. Comparing us to Jews and black people isn’t a valid argument. Don’t rant.

7. Child pornography isn’t art

Don’t support child pornography. One comment by an FBI agent saying that they found images of children who appear to be enjoying sex doesn’t justify the horrbile exploitation that takes place.

8: You’re not a sheep, stop acting like one

Don’t believe everything you hear. Do some research for yourself and make up your own mind.

9: Say what you mean
Do you want children to be able to have sex because you genuinelly believe it should be a right afforded to all humans, or are you doing it for your own agenda? I believe some people are sincere. But if you’re not, and I have spoken to many who I think are lying through their teeth, have the guts to say so.
Okay, I obviously wasn’t being entirely serious with a few of those. But I want to make a very serious point and I want to keep it short and simple: the obsession with sex that’s prevalent in the community is going to be the death of us. We’re going nowhere on that path but self-destruction.

We should be showing society that we aren’t a danger to children, that some of us can be trusted to live like ordinary human beings. We should be coming out and saying “this is us, we’re not the monsters you see on TV” instead of hiding away and obsessing over sex. We should be ensuring that our rights are protected, that we can live without fear of discrimination and persecution, instead of trying to abolish the Age of Consent laws. I want to be able to live openly as a paedophile and not be afraid and hated, and I am more than willing to remain celibate for the rest of my life to make that happen. A future where you and me can live like that should be our goal, first and foremost.

Because if we all unite on that goal and that goal only, we can do it.

As you’re all no doubt aware, there have been a number of tragic school shootings recently in America. One perpetrator was apparently tormented by an urge to molest children, and as far as I know the motives of others remain  a mystery.

I know some others in the blogosphere will be talking about how this is likely to cause more begative public sentimnt towards us. I just want to offer my thoughts to the victims and their families.

Bleh.

The end of the Summer holidays snuck up on me this year. I’m now in my sixth and last year, and will have to do my leaving cert at the end- the test that decides whether I get into college or not. I’m not exactly looking forward to it.

So, this place may be inactive for awhile. I need to pull my socks up and start studying if I want to get into a decent course next year.

Until then, see you round, and take care ^^